sudjuanda

Believe it or not, meditation is one of the simplest, and most affordable ways to help increase your self-esteem!  Meditation allows you to reflect, heal, and release baggage or unhelpful energy all while getting connected to your core self.

The simple act of focusing on you, and the here and now, strengthens your relationship with your core self, nurtures your core self, and allows you to know you!   Self-esteem comes from within.  It may be influenced by outside information, but ultimately it comes from the relationship you have with you.

Self-Esteem as a Sink Stopper???

I like to think of self-esteem as a sink stopper; it determines how full or empty we are, and what stays or leaves us.  If we don’t have a sink stopper then everything we take in, both good and bad, just flow right through us.  So even when we receive a compliment, we still feel empty because we aren’t able to keep it or have it fill us up.  We need a developed stopper internally to be able to decide what to do with outside information.

It’s impossible to build, strengthen, improve, or develop something within yourself if you don’t take time to focus on yourself.   Mediation is a simple way to exercise and develop your sink stopper.

Picking a  Meditation

There are many types of meditation.  My favorite meditation technique is one that allows you to actively picture doing things in order to get to a quite place.  Personally, I’ve never been very good at using quite to get quite.  So I searched for a technique that I can sort of “wind down” and get to quite by embracing the thoughts that inevitably come up.

Finding a technique that works for you is very important.  If one doesn’t work don’t toss the idea of mediation out the window, just try a new one.  There are many places to research meditation practices; you can search for meditation classes in your area though search engines, i-tunes has 100’s of free meditation stations in the podcast section, and there are endless books, dvd’s, and cd’s on this subject.  Try checking out your local library for materials to save costs and “try on” different techniques.

My Favorite Technique

I took a mediation class though The School of Intuitive Insight.  If you are in the Seattle area highly recommend Ginna and her classes!  This is a very simplified version of the practice I learned from Ginna, and is an easy starting point.

• Start by closing your eyes and taking a deep breath and focusing on yourself.  Then create a grounding cord.  Picture turning your cord “on” (like turning on a light switch) and set it to “high release.”  Then ask anything you don’t want, isn’t yours, or doesn’t feel good to leave your body and mind through your grounding cord.  As new thoughts pop up they simply go down your grounding cord.

• Notice what things you do want to get rid of, what feels like they need to go, and which go easily.  Keep releasing.

• Next, start calling back all of your energy, hopes, dreams, health, money, love that you’ve lost, spent, or given away.  Picture it coming back to you in the form of a golden sun and these suns continuously fill you up.

• As you are filled up with positive things and your own energy, keep releasing anything that doesn’t need to be there, isn’t yours, or doesn’t feel good down your grounding cord.

• Notice the flow of energy though you.  The filling up of the golden suns, and the lightening of your burden though your grounding cord.  Keep releasing and calling back thoughts and energy as long as you want to, or until you feel lighter and full of positivity.

Be aware of how are you feel after your meditation.  What things did you notice getting rid of?  What did you keep?  What did you ask for in your golden suns?  The answers to these questions hold precious information about you, who you are, and where you find strength and where you are being depleted.  These answers are the beginning of a deeper, more detailed, more meaningful relationship with you!

“Effort + the courage to show up = enough.” -Brené Brown

Do you guys know who Brené Brown is?  She studies women and shame, and I find her to be amazing!  She takes the most hard to explain concepts and turns them into the most simple universal truth’s.  (I am working on a small series of posts based on her work, so please stay tuned.)

What is Enough?

This week she posted the above mantra on her blog and it couldn’t have come at a better time.   The question, “what is enough” has popped up daily, several times per day actually, over the past few weeks for me.  It’s a topic I always explore with my clients, so it’s never too far from my thoughts, but over the past few weeks I’ve been re-evaluating this question in my own life as well.

Like most people, I wear many hats and do my fair share of juggling roles and responsibilities in my life.  Most days I feel like I do an OK job of knowing when something’s enough.  But throw in important family events and apparently my concept of enough goes straight out the window!

My Example…

This summer, my Grandparents are renewing their wedding vows for their 60th wedding anniversary…. so cute, right?! I knew instantly I didn’t want to miss this event for anything.  So, my husband and I have been planning our 2011 vacations around being able to attend this exciting event.  We’ve saved, we’ve planned, we’ve shopped, we’ve hired the best pug-sitter we can find {wink}, and we were even able to turn this trip into a 9 day event allowing us to attend our nephew’s baptism.  We are going to see my whole family, be there with my Grandparents, and get to attend our nephew’s baptism.

Sounds like “enough,” right?!

Well, after booking our tickets, and rearranging our vacation time with work, and planning extra days into our trip, and feeling like we really did it- we were able to give “enough” we found out that my grandparents ceremony is not going to start until 3:00pm the day before we fly out at 6:30am.  UGH!  After all this planning, saving, organizing, and traveling for 9 days and we are going to get to spend about 6 hours at my family reunion.  6 hours…..

“Effort + the courage to show up = Enough”

Initially, my heart sank.  It felt like all my efforts just went down the drain.  Here we are making so many sacrifices to be there and we aren’t actually going to get to be there.

So, when I read this mantra from Brené, I began reflecting on the my part in whole thing and I realized I did all I could.  I made the plans, I bought the tickets, I saved vacation time and money, in other words I put in the effort AND I am bringing my authentic self, I am showing up, and I am staying positive in the face of disappointment.  This is Enough!

This is my best!

All any of us can do is our best.  Our best is unique to each of us AND our best is not based on results.  Our best is about what we put into a situation after all, that’s all we can control.    What other people do, how other plans turn out, what actually happens may be important but it’s not what determines if we did enough.

“Effort + the courage to show up = Enough”

I think I am going to be borrowing this manta from Brené from now on!

And, when it comes to the family reunion this summer, I am going to know I did enough and just enjoy the 6 hours I do get to spend with my family.  I am going to focus on the time I do have at the celebration, the connections I do get to make, and soak up every minutes of it.  This way when I look back on this event I won’t end up feeling sad, or disappointed, or like it wasn’t enough I’ll remember what was there, what did happen, what I did get to do and those will be my memories.  Because I did enough, I’ll get to take those memories and pictures and stories with me going forward.

So what do you think?  Do you know what your enough is?

i can read

I love this quote.  It’s a great perspective and SO TRUE!

Relationships aren’t about winning, or beating each other, or being right.  Relationships, by definition, are about connection and sharing time, energy, laughs, hopes, dreams, failures, hurts, life with someone.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a friendship, romantic relationship, or family… we get the most out of relationships when we share connection with someone; when we are brave enough to be vulnerable with someone; when we take the time to see things from their perspective and realize we can both be right.

I like the example of accidentally stepping on someone’s toe.  You didn’t mean to step on their toe, or intend to hurt them (hopefully), but their toe still hurts.   So we apologize for the hurt they are feeling in their toe, which is real, no matter how the incident happened.  No need to look for blame.  No need to get defensive.  We just connect with them about the pain in their toe.

Inevitability, we are going to hurt those we care about most.  We are human.  It doesn’t make us bad people, or poor partner’s, or mean friends it just means their feelings got hurt much like their toe.