Counseling for Individuals & Couples

Walking with Scarlett

It’s a beautiful day in Seattle today!  It makes me hopeful that summer has finally arrived…but I am still keeping my fingers crossed {wink}.

I didn’t want to risk missing the sunshine and so headed out for my daily walk with Scarlett, my black pug, at lunchtime.   Our favorite path was full of other Seattle-ite’s who obviously shared our same thought.  As we walked this familiar and beloved stretch of Queen Anne one of the local businesses had turned on their outdoor fountain for the first time this season.  The unexpected noise that this fountain created stopped Scarlett in her tracks!

The Fountain

She dropped low to the ground in fear and anticipation, hopped several steps backwards, and even let out a tiny little yep of nerves.  I stood there with her for several minutes letting her stare down this new, unexpected, unexplored, possibly dangerous (to a pug) noisemaker, inching closer and closer one paw at a time.  It took several minutes, glances back to me for reassurance, sniffs in the air, and baby steps but eventually she made her way to the dreaded fountain.

Once she got there, she sniffed and checked out every inch of that new noisemaker.  She thoroughly explored it until she was ready to move on.  As we walked away from this fountain, I couldn’t help but notice the new swagger and pep in her step.  Every person we passed after this encounter commented on what a “confident” little pug she was.  She was glowing with pride for conquering her fear and it showed!

New Found Confidence

Did you notice that Scarlett’s confidence didn’t come from not having a struggle to overcome on her walk?  Her swagger came from kicking that fountain’s butt!

This same concept is true for us.  Self-Esteem comes from facing and figuring out how to conquer our obstacles, not from not having obstacles.

The Lesson

If this new fountain hadn’t been on during our walk today, Scarlett would have enjoyed her walk, but she also would have missed out on the pride she felt after conquering this obstacle in her life.  The same is true for us.  We can avoid the “new fountains” in our lives, or wish they never happened, but then we’ll miss out on the feeling of confidence that comes from kicking their butts.  That confidence IS self-esteem.

So, let’s take this lesson from Scarlett the pug, and flip the way we define self-esteem.  Next time we encounter something new, scary, or risky don’t wish we had more self-esteem to tackle it, but tackle it because it will give us more self-esteem!

sudjuanda

Believe it or not, meditation is one of the simplest, and most affordable ways to help increase your self-esteem!  Meditation allows you to reflect, heal, and release baggage or unhelpful energy all while getting connected to your core self.

The simple act of focusing on you, and the here and now, strengthens your relationship with your core self, nurtures your core self, and allows you to know you!   Self-esteem comes from within.  It may be influenced by outside information, but ultimately it comes from the relationship you have with you.

Self-Esteem as a Sink Stopper???

I like to think of self-esteem as a sink stopper; it determines how full or empty we are, and what stays or leaves us.  If we don’t have a sink stopper then everything we take in, both good and bad, just flow right through us.  So even when we receive a compliment, we still feel empty because we aren’t able to keep it or have it fill us up.  We need a developed stopper internally to be able to decide what to do with outside information.

It’s impossible to build, strengthen, improve, or develop something within yourself if you don’t take time to focus on yourself.   Mediation is a simple way to exercise and develop your sink stopper.

Picking a  Meditation

There are many types of meditation.  My favorite meditation technique is one that allows you to actively picture doing things in order to get to a quite place.  Personally, I’ve never been very good at using quite to get quite.  So I searched for a technique that I can sort of “wind down” and get to quite by embracing the thoughts that inevitably come up.

Finding a technique that works for you is very important.  If one doesn’t work don’t toss the idea of mediation out the window, just try a new one.  There are many places to research meditation practices; you can search for meditation classes in your area though search engines, i-tunes has 100’s of free meditation stations in the podcast section, and there are endless books, dvd’s, and cd’s on this subject.  Try checking out your local library for materials to save costs and “try on” different techniques.

My Favorite Technique

I took a mediation class though The School of Intuitive Insight.  If you are in the Seattle area highly recommend Ginna and her classes!  This is a very simplified version of the practice I learned from Ginna, and is an easy starting point.

• Start by closing your eyes and taking a deep breath and focusing on yourself.  Then create a grounding cord.  Picture turning your cord “on” (like turning on a light switch) and set it to “high release.”  Then ask anything you don’t want, isn’t yours, or doesn’t feel good to leave your body and mind through your grounding cord.  As new thoughts pop up they simply go down your grounding cord.

• Notice what things you do want to get rid of, what feels like they need to go, and which go easily.  Keep releasing.

• Next, start calling back all of your energy, hopes, dreams, health, money, love that you’ve lost, spent, or given away.  Picture it coming back to you in the form of a golden sun and these suns continuously fill you up.

• As you are filled up with positive things and your own energy, keep releasing anything that doesn’t need to be there, isn’t yours, or doesn’t feel good down your grounding cord.

• Notice the flow of energy though you.  The filling up of the golden suns, and the lightening of your burden though your grounding cord.  Keep releasing and calling back thoughts and energy as long as you want to, or until you feel lighter and full of positivity.

Be aware of how are you feel after your meditation.  What things did you notice getting rid of?  What did you keep?  What did you ask for in your golden suns?  The answers to these questions hold precious information about you, who you are, and where you find strength and where you are being depleted.  These answers are the beginning of a deeper, more detailed, more meaningful relationship with you!

i can read

Growth, change, healing, self-worth all require these 3 rules.  There is a common misconception that self-esteem is something we are born with;  that we either have it or we don’t.   The truth is self-esteem is earned, created, developed, strengthened, and worked for.   Our self-worth is like any muscle in our bodies, it has to be used and pushed to get stronger.

These “3 Simple Rules in Life” are great reminders of the steps and effort that self-esteem require.

1.  Deciding what we want and then going for it are key steps to increasing self-esteem and satisfaction in life.  The key is being aware that we will hit some bumps in the road along the way.  Personal growth and increased self-worth come from surviving the bumps, not giving up, and finding a way to create success in the face of challenge.  Through struggle we grow!  Sometimes we can learn more from our misses than we do from our successes.  Going for it is what’s ultimately important for our self-worth.

2.Voicing our wants, desires, interests, curiosities, and hopes is how those things become reality.  And as far as your self-esteem goes this is a win-win situation!  Standing up for yourself, realizing and expressing your want(s) strengthens your self-esteem on its own.  Then, either getting or not getting your want gives us new opportunities to further develop self-esteem.  Either by celebrating our success or by giving us a chance to redefine what we want and how we go after it.

3. I like to use a quote by Samwise Gamgee in Lord or the Rings when tackling this step with my clients, “one more step and I’ll be one step further away from home then I’ve ever been before.”  Self-worth isn’t created over night, but it also doesn’t just show up knocking at your door.  We have to take steps, usually baby steps, to strengthen and change our self-worth.  Growing is not comfortable, growing is pushing past our point of comfort to something new; it’s taking just one step farther from home then we’ve ever been before.

How can you use these “3 simple rules” to help strengthen your self-esteem?