Counseling for Individuals & Couples

So far this month I have shared 3 of my must-have toolbox items with you, and I’ve got 4 more to review with ya before the month is over.  Not to mention the free MP3 download of my favorite relaxation technique will be available before the end of the week!

Since Creating Your Own Toolbox is our topic this month, I wanted to share an interesting site I came across with you.  One of my favorite blogs, The Happiness Project,  had this post yesterday about their very own toolbox website.  Cool, right?!

The Happiness Project Toolbox is another great resource for building, and even storing, your personal toolbox.  When you sign up, this site provides you will 8 tools to help you create your own personal happiness project.

Remember, variety is an important component in a helpful toolbox.  Having an assortment of tools that both help you create happiness, and simply soothe you when the chips are down, will not only make your toolbox its most useful, but also allow you to create and maintain balance in your life.

Maybe you’ll be able to find something useful for your own toolbox on their site……

A quick review of the 4 guidelines to having an easy to use toolbox

1. Your toolbox can be literal or figurative as long as you can easily access it
2. Add Variety to your toolbox
3. Think of your toolbox as a living thing, allow it to grow and evolve over time
4. Toolboxes and toolbox use are not black and white assignment

Egg Timer

Originally uploaded by eyeseenicee

Do you remember this post about the incredible inedible egg timer? In that post I shared with you how I use an egg timer to create pockets of time in my day; well, I also use an egg timer to help bring more balance to many of my relationships including my marriage.

Which is why I decided this amazing little gadget needed another post dedicated to it, and a formal mention as one of my favorite tools in my toolbox.

Why an egg timer?
Have you ever noticed how having an end point, in any event, allows us to dedicate ourselves to the event more completely? If it’s a good event, we are able relax and enjoy it, and if it’s a bad event we know we just have to suck it up for so long.

Well, an egg timer can be used to create this end point for many things in your relationship.

The Good
Think of it like this- whether you go get a massage, play golf, or go to a movie you always have an idea of how long the event is going to last. This allows you to relax and enjoy it fully without worrying about what comes next. This same principle can be applied at home with your partner by using an egg timer. Creating a set end point in advance allows you to exchange back rubs, foot massages, or have dinner together, play games together, or go for a walk together without worrying about when you’ll get to your to do list.

The Bad
Every relationship has difficult fight-causing topics; by using an egg timer to manage the time devoted to them you can discuss them and still have time for other things in your life and relationship. Having a set end time will help each partner participate and stay present, stay on topic, better organize their thoughts on the topic to ensure their point of view is heard, and means the topic cannot take over your evening or relationship by going on and on and on.

5 places to use an egg timer in a your relationship

1. The difficult topics like money, sex, in-laws, and household chores. Set up in advance with your partner on how often and for how long each topic will be discussed, this way you both can let it fall by the wayside when it’s not time to discuss it.
2. To create a space for venting after a break in trust, or hurt feelings. Placing a time limit on the venting allows one partner to get things off their chest, and the other to just listen without defending them self. This can be very help in moving towards forgiveness.
3. Making time for physical touch. 5 minutes of hand, foot, shoulder and/or a back massage are all wonderful things to share with our partners and can increase emotional intimacy.
4. Making time for fun. 20 minutes after dinner of walking, playing cards, sipping wine, checking in, it doesn’t matter what you do with the time, having a set end time allows you to have some fun quality time together and still get all your to do’s done.
5. In doing daily chores/house cleaning. Set a timer and have everyone in the house clean as much as they can for that period of time. Everyone will be much more motivated to help knowing it’s broken into small increments of time. You can even make a competition out of it to see who gets the most done. When time is up, use the timer to do something to reward yourselves for the hard work! (Don’t forget a prize for the winner!)

If I were stuck on a desert island and could only bring one book with me, this would be the book!  You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay.  It’s a must-have in my toolbox.

Louise wrote this book back in the 1970′s- it’s a precursor to the recently popular book The Secret.  You Can Heal Your Life describes the “Law of Attraction” in a spiritual non-materialistic way. Louise L Hay explains that things like health, relationships, confidence, forgiveness and wealth come into our lives based on our thoughts. You may remember this post on gratitude thinking and why our thoughts are so important.

I keep this book in my toolbox because I love pulling it out when I am feeling down.  I like to use it as a starting point when I feel overwhelmed in a situation and as a way to gain some clarity on that situation.  Reviewing this book always reminds me that “this too shall pass.”

It helps me gain some perspective on how I got where I am, where I want to be instead, and gives tangible affirmations to start my journey towards that better place.  It also has an amazing chart towards the end that Louise uses to help us connect physical ailments like headaches, digestive issues, depression, anxiety, hay fever, and even acne with the negative thought pattern that causes them.

Check it out sometime, you may find it to be a nice fit in your own toolbox as well!